Have you ever stared at a blank screen just watching the cursor blink?
“Where should I start?” I thought to myself. “What part should I share first?” was the next question.
[Insert morning blinking cursor moments.]
Here’s what I came up with. How about I just write to you and see what comes up first. Sound good?
Recently, I shared my journey to healing with hypothyroidism/gut healing which has led to much heart healing.
It’s been this 2-year journey that I haven’t talked about or shared much of. Why? Well, a few reasons are:
- I didn’t know how
- Deep in learning why
- Deep in learning healing
- I don’t like to address it because I know the words we speak are powerful
- It’s hard for me to ask for help and most of the time I can be an internal processor. (I hash a lot out with God in my journal time.)
Nonetheless, it has come in stages for me. Right now, I am on the upswing of the journey. Nonetheless, still on the journey.
Before I share too much more here I must take you back to visit the past. My past.
I was 21 when I started my fitness business and I was also 21 when I really started to get into the health and fitness lifestyle.
- The work hard, play hard lifestyle.
- The no rest till you die type of lifestyle.
- The no rest days between workouts kind of lifestyle.
- The let’s do everything we can to prove to people we are smart and worth it way of life.
The go heavy, go big or go home lifting lifestyle.
I kept that up for a solid 5 years I would say. 5 years of intense stress of all kinds.
- Working out is a stressor on your body.
- Not getting enough sleep is a stressor on your body.
- Not eating enough calories is a stressor on your body.
- Not dealing with your emotions is stress to your body.
5 years I ignored the signs of being tired after all my workouts and wanting to nap. The tubs of pre-workout I went through before my workouts. Many times, when I was teaching group exercise classes I wouldn’t think twice when it came to two workouts in one day. Which led to not eating enough calories, not that it was at all intentional, but there was a fear stored in my body that the way I looked matter and if it didn’t look good then I wouldn’t be loved. Which, subconsciously, led to constantly moving with the fear of food being formed.
Sure, my resume may have looked good but at what cost?
- Quite my full-time job at age 24.
- Was a fitness instructor.
- Owned a studio in my basement.
- Was a personal trainer.
- Own a successful online business.
All good things that turned into god things in my life.
It’s true about the saying, “If I knew then what I know now” things would probably look different for me.
Guess what? This is the journey the Lord has taken me on and in many cases, I chose for myself out of disobedience. Not to shame myself or to make myself feel guilty but to bring awareness to the life of slavery that I once lived.
This is the beginning of the journey for me. All the years of hustle (which I am not saying are bad when done right) + add in the years of childhood trauma = the perfect storm for my body.
When I finally began to slow down, my body didn’t know what to do. It was finally able to come out of fight or flight mode once in a while and has been needing some help to get readjusted. 😉
Don’t worry, I’ll be sharing more. For now, I want you to think about your stressors? Emotional and physical.
This didn’t happen to me overnight. My body has done the best it could without my help.
And the same goes for you, my friend. It’s time to come alongside your body and work with it, not against it!
Until next time,
P.S. Follow me on Instagram (if you aren’t already) at Instagram.com/jessvaughn22 and send me a DM. Let me know what if this resonates with you! In the meantime, think about those stressors in your life.