This topic is about hurts and the pain that follows. Hurts that are not only from a breakup or divorce, but also from when something extremely bad happens like someone you know is in a car accident for example. Maybe you’re just feeling hurt or broken and something is going on in your heart and you don’t know what to do.
I want to share with you some scripture and comfort you in your time of pain or heartbreak. Maybe you’ve come through your pain and you want to help someone else. Maybe you know someone that you want to encourage and share this message with.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4(NIV) Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves received from God.
God is with you and He is comforting you right now.
Acknowledge God In Your Pain
One of the biggest things we have a hard time with is acknowledging God in our pain. I know personally it was hard for me to reach for my Bible and read scripture or go to church when I was in great pain.
The last thing I wanted to do was fall at the feet of Jesus when my heart was full of hatred, pain, heartbreak, and not understanding. I had to ask myself, “How do I reach for this? How do I find comfort?”
I hope to walk you through this with the following points.
1. It’s Okay To Feel Pain
I hope that statement will relieve you of some pressure. If you are going through a breakup, or you feel pain, or something tragic has happened in your life, what is the first thing most people tell you to do?
They tell you to get over it, but they never tell you how to get over it. They tell you that you shouldn’t feel the way you do. They justify what you’re feeling to how they are feeling even though they may never have been through what you’re going through.
I can’t relate to someone who had a divorce. I don’t usually bring in my own situation, but I try to comfort them with what they’re feeling. I let them know that it’s okay to feel the pain.
Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel the way that you’re feeling.
God is our comfort.
I really believe that our pain has a purpose. What you’re feeling and going through, you’re going to shine bright on the other side and you’re going to be able to help someone that’s in need who is struggling with what you’re struggling with right now.
God has brought me through some terrible relationships and He’s not necessarily the one that put me in them.
Don’t always think that God puts you through your painful situation and that He wants you to feel this pain.
Sometimes we put ourselves through the pain. There’s been many times when the Holy Spirit was saying to me, “Don’t you date him.” But I did anyway.
There would be times when my heart would be pulling me in one direction and I went in the other direction. It reminds me of Jonah when he was swallowed up by the whale. He didn’t want to obey God.
God is always tugging at your heart even if you don’t realize he’s tugging at your heart.
He wants to put you back in the direction of focusing on Him.
2. Know Where The Pain Is Coming From
This could be a deep issue or it could be just surface pain because you know where the pain is coming from, for eg. if someone you know just got into an accident. Obviously in that situation you’re hurting, you’re worried, you’re scared, and you don’t know what’s going on.
If your pain is coming from a divorce, or someone cheated on you, or a heart break, then the pain could be a little deeper or more intense. It will be a different level of pain and hurt that you have to walk through.
Someone in a car accident, a divorce, losing a child, someone dying are all different kinds of pain that we feel and hurt from. In order to overcome the pain make sure there is nothing else deep rooted in your heart.
First know that it’s okay to feel the pain, and second know if this is something on the surface that you need to work through, or is this something a lot deeper.
- Insecurities come from people cheating on us.
- You may not feel confident enough in the Lord.
- You’re not realizing who you are in Jesus.
A lot of issues can stem from those insecurities.
3. Reach Out For Accountability.
These are steps that I had to walk through. I had to reach out for accountability. I couldn’t do it alone.
After what happened to me last year, I felt that I could never escape the fiery pit of hell. I didn’t want to reach for my Bible. I had one of my best friends with me and I would go to church and worship and cry my eye’s out. I didn’t even feel close to God but I still showed up and my heart was in it even though I didn’t feel anything.
I had to reach for accountability. I was on the phone with my spiritual dad again after a short break of not talking to him. I was on the phone every single week trying to walk through this.
I was writing him emails because I was in so much pain that I couldn’t fathom what it was like to feel joy again.
Have any of you been there where you feel so much pain that you don’t know how you’re going to get through this, what’s it going to look like, or if you’re ever going to be happy again?
- You need to make sure you’re around accountability.
- Not someone who is going to try and force you to have different feelings.
- Not someone who will force you to not be yourself.
- Not someone who tells you to go out and date other people.
- Not someone who tells you to get over your ex-husband or wife.
- Not someone who tells you it’s been long enough and you shouldn’t be like this.
You need to be around people that are going to support you, and encourage you and re-direct your eyes back onto Jesus.
4. Don’t Retaliate Out Of Pain
Focus on Jesus and not retaliation.
If the issue is that you are broken hearted, or something happened that’s out of your control, and you’re hurt because someone hurt you, it seems the only thing you can think of is hurting them back.
That is what’s wrong with us and our mentality. When we get hurt we don’t know what to do with our hurt and pain.
Instead of redirecting the pain you focus on wanting to hurt that person even though it will hurt you worse afterwards. But you think right now it’s going to feel really good to hurt someone else, because you’re in this pain.
Think about when something happens and you lash out on some of your closest friends and family and you feel like that’s okay. I’m not saying you have to be perfect and that things are just going to always go your way.
Say you’re sorry and know that you’re not perfect and they’re not perfect.
- We are imperfect people. We don’t have to go back and hurt other people because of our pain.
- As you love Jesus and you try to be like Him every day you can still be that light and not let the enemy ruin your relationships because you are in pain.
5. How Does Time Heal?
One last tip I want to say is that I hate the saying “time heals.” The reason I don’t like it is because time will only heal if you allow yourself to heal in that time.
You can go 15 or 20 years after a heartbreak, but if you haven’t fully healed and worked on that yourself, then you will never be able to heal. This is a choice.
Your healing is a choice. It’s not a matter of time or God doing it for you. You have to be the one that does the work. God does heal you, but you have to allow yourself to let God heal you.
Most of us have a barrier up that doesn’t allow God to heal us.
- You can’t depend on other people to heal you.
- You can’t depend on outside sources to heal you.
- You have to first make the decision yourself.
It’s like a person who has to lose weight. If you want to lose weight, a person can train you and give you every single meal plan and make every meal for you, but if you do not make the decision yourself to eat that food or workout, you’ll never lose weight no matter how perfect everything is in front of you.
Be careful who you talk to. The enemy can use people to distract you and take you off your journey and get you completely sidetracked. You may feel like this person is speaking into your life, but they’re really not. You have to know where their source is coming from, and where their heart is being directed from. We’re selfish people. We’re stubborn. You want to make sure that what someone is saying to you is not for their own purpose and for their own selfish reasons.
A re-cap of the above:
- It’s okay to feel the pain. Don’t listen when people say that you have to get over it right away. It could take you a couple months, as long as you’re making an effort to improve yourself and to seek help.
- Where is it coming from. Is it a deep rooted issue or is it something that just happened and you don’t know what the outcome will be. It’s not anything to do with being cheated on or feelings of insecurities. Maybe it’s a car accident that just happened and you’re hurting and concerned about the person in the accident. Know where your pain is coming from.
- Reach out for accountability because you cannot do this alone. Make sure you know where their source is coming from. Are they getting their source from God because a lot of people will say that, “Oh, this message is from God.” Be able to discern that. The Bible tells us to discern what is from God and what isn’t.
- Keep your heart focused on Jesus and not on retaliation. Don’t waste your time trying to hurt someone. Stay focused healing your heart.
Remember that your pain has a purpose. I know it’s hard to think your pain has purpose at the time you’re going through something. Last year, when someone told me that my pain was for a purpose, I wanted to poke their eyes out and say, “Yeah, you take my pain right now and tell me it has purpose.”
It’s encouraging for me to know that pain has a purpose, because I’ve been through it and now I’m more aware and can think and ask myself, “What is going to be the lesson here and what is the purpose going to be?” God has brought it full circle for me.
- God can heal you.
- His grace covers you.
- He loves you so much.
- You also have to focus on yourself and what you’re doing for you so you can be a better spouse, or a better girlfriend or boyfriend, or a better mom or dad.
Read 2 Corinthians 1:3-7(NIV) and be encouraged by His Word.
Go to knowyourworthbook.com and read more about my journey and how it can help you.
If you want a sneak peek of my new book in the works, go to AWorthyWife.com.
What other suggestions would you have for someone who is hurting and wants to heal? Let me know in the comments.