“You were made for this,” the Lord repeated on the second day at Rev on the Road which is a 2-day event put on by Alisa Keeton of Revelation Wellness and her team of leaders. Since working through different health issues personally, my mind, body, and soul have been craving more freedom.
I could feel the heaviness I have been carrying around for a long time.
When I asked the Lord why I couldn’t forgive myself He told me that it was because I have become so used to carrying the pain myself. (I am sure this is where you can raise your hand and say, “Yes, me too.”)
We carry the pain around with us like it is our punishment for the choices and decisions we have made. When we talk to people, our pain shows through in how we react and respond. Our pain can also show when we don’t do or say anything at all.
He’s reminded me that I am free and I have always been free and that I need to believe and receive that I am free.
Do you see the pattern throughout my life?
It’s not receiving what Jesus did on the cross for me…I believe He did it. But, I don’t believe I am worth the sacrifice. The Lord said, “Jess, you know pain. You have felt pain. Now it’s time to believe you are worth the sacrifice.”
Over and over these words repeat at different times and different seasons of my life.
The vision the Lord showed me about worry was an image of being chained at the ankle to a small tree in the ground. We know we are stronger to pull the tree down. We know we can simply take off the chain. Yet, it gets comfortable with the chain on. It gets scary to take off the chain of worry because then we step into a place we are unfamiliar with.
That place is faith.
It’s a place where we don’t try to take control or pick up control.
I love what author and speaker, Alisa Keeton, said that weekend to us, “We cannot change what we do not recognize.” Amen!
How do we forgive if we don’t know that’s the reason we feel so weighed down?
How do we receive His sacrifice if we don’t realize that believing we are worth it is the issue?
If I am being completely honest, it’s just too hard. It’s hard work to do the deep work.
What’s easy? Pointing the finger.
It’s easy to point the finger at God and become angry. You get mad at your children for not doing what you say. You snap at your husband because he didn’t read your mind. While in reality, a lot of why we do what we do usually stems from our pain(s) from the past that has never been dealt with or truly felt.
So how do we do that? We sit. We slow down. We ask the Lord to show us what’s happening inside of us. Begin to allow yourself to feel whatever comes up. Anger. Bitterness. Maybe you start crying. Maybe you fall on your knees in prayer and repentance.
That’s exactly where He led me…into repentance of my past sexual sins.
Although He has forgiven me, I needed to forgive myself.
Declare it. Speak it into repentance. Put it to death.
You must make time for this work. If you don’t know how to work through it by yourself then seek help. Consider seeing a Christian counselor or therapist. Ask a close and trusted friend to sit with you, talk with you, and pray with and for you. Ask your husband to sit and listen to you.
There’s bravery, courage, and faith in asking but also in listening to the response to help.
I am still on the freedom train with healing my body but I am already free because of the sacrifice He made for me. You are free because of the sacrifice He made for you.
Move in freedom today. Not because you must move but because you get to move. It’s time to stop putting so many rules on food and workouts and the way you live life and get back to the joy you once had or that you know is possible.
Lord, we can’t do this without you. Your love isn’t based the shape of our bodies. Your love isn’t based on the number on the scale. Your love isn’t based on the size of our bodies. Continue to show us what your love is based on…which is the joy and happiness that You get from us by being alive, seeking You with our whole heart, and watching us live out Your will. Lord, let us be women who chase you and not food. Let us be women who receive your love by laying down our work, and picking up your yoke. In Jesus name, Amen!