I used to date whoever was available. And he had to be cute.
I realized this is definitely not the way to go or the way you should go about dating.
I’ve definitely experienced my fair share of bad relationships. Now I’m married. God has done a huge work in my heart.
Here are 5 amazing tips you can process through to help you set goals for yourself when dating.
1. Make sure you’re dating with intention and not just dating to date.
This is not about dating the next person just to be in a relationship, because you don’t want to feel alone.
I was a serial boyfriend dater.
That means, I went from boyfriend to boyfriend to boyfriend. I would be with one boyfriend, and have someone else planned for the next one. It seemed the grass was always greener on the other side.
And I thought that was normal.
Remember, you’re not here to just date anymore. You’re not here to just date for the sake of dating.
Date with intention. Date with purpose.
First of all, is God calling you to date? Should you be dating?
Are you working on healing your heart? Are you working through your junk? Or are you just trying to push on to your next relationship, so you don’t have to feel any pain.
Why do you feel you need to be in a relationship? Because you shouldn’t be dating just to date.
You want to make sure that you and the other person are both pursuing the relationship for a reason. Which is to be married.
If you think you’re not ready to be married and you’re still working through your stuff, then don’t pursue someone.
Don’t feel like you have to date because everyone else is dating.
Don’t allow yourself to feel like your worth is tied up into whether someone is dating you or not.
Date with intention and date with purpose.
Stop dating to date. Stop looking to date just because you don’t want to be alone.
You should really have intentions.
Don’t string someone along. You wouldn’t like it either.
If you know you’re not supposed marry that person, why are you with them? Let’s just be honest with ourselves.
Make sure you’re pursuing Christ above all.
2. Make sure when you start dating, it’s not just because you want the title of boyfriend or girlfriend. Give yourself time to build trust first.
Be intentional and take time to heal. Time does heal. But time only heals if you’re intentional about wanting to heal.
You can hold onto the same hurt and bondage for 25 years. After such a long time, you begin to wonder why the hurt is still there. It’s been a long time. It’s been 25 years. Shouldn’t it go away?
No. You only heal when you’re intentional and really diving into working on healing.
It’s not about having the girlfriend title. If you just meet someone, it’s too early to have the title of girlfriend or boyfriend. That’s what I did.
Spend time courting.
Hang out together with their friends. Hang out together in a group and see how they treat their friends and other people.
Don’t just spend one on one time with each other.
How many of you are all about the title?
I know women feel it’s so important. You want to know if you are boyfriend and girlfriend.
Instead, spend time in your relationship as friends first. Take time to build trust.
I’m not saying you have to wait years. What I am saying is that you need to be able to establish the friendship first, before pursuing anything else.
- See who his friends are.
- Hang out with his friends.
- Get to know him.
- Do a lot of group things together.
And then evaluate. Decide if you should we begin courting. You want to be sure you’re both going in with the right intentions and that you’re not rushing to have that title.
Save the heartache. Figure each other out first, then figure out the title.
Because we have it backwards nowadays.
We date. We have a great time. Then we figure out we’re not supposed to be together. Then we break up.
3. Be sure you’re not finding someone to complete you.
Finding a husband or wife does not complete your life.
Jesus completes your life.
I hear people say all the time, “I’m just waiting for someone to come along to complete me and make me feel whole. If I had someone, then I would feel like I have purpose. Right now, I feel like God doesn’t see me and He doesn’t care.”
People are waiting for their life to happen.
They’re waiting until they get married, or to meet someone, to feel joy, or feel successful, or feel like God sees them.
A man or a woman won’t complete you. They won’t make you whole. You are both sinners. You were born into sin. And you have to realize that someone else cannot complete you.
4. You should not worry about your age. This becomes a factor for so many people.
You think, “I’m 25. My mom said I should be married by now. My friends are all married. I really need to find someone and get married.”
You need to make sure that your goal in life is to not be married by a certain age, because you feel that everyone else is.
The whole clock ticking thing for women pushes them to want to hurry and get married and have kids.
You think, “Even though I don’t know anything about you, let’s get married.”
Instead,first have all the deep conversations about faith, about what you believe in, how you were raised, your past, how you handle finances, what your finances look like, and about debt.
These are things married people don’t even talk about. It’s mind blowing to me that they haven’t discussed it. It’s topics that are very personal to a lot of people. A lot of people don’t believe they should share finances.
Your goal again: Do not be rushed by an age. Whether male or female.
5. You have to make sure your goal in life with each other and your goal in dating, is that you are both pursuing each other equally.
And above all else, is that the other person is pursuing Christ. If not faster than you.
That was a mistake I made so many times. I started to pursue Christ and to pursue His love, and wanting to have that relationship with Him. But I was so far ahead of the people I was dating.
I’m not saying they were bad people. I’m just saying they weren’t chasing after Jesus like I was.
Make sure the person you’re pursuing, is pursuing Christ just as much as you are, if not more.
Your number one goal should be to pursue Christ at the same speed.
And you need to pursue each other just as much.
In the dating season, your goal should be that you are both intentionally still pursuing each other. It should be with boundaries. Not pursuing each other sexually. But emotionally, and just being there for them and talking about things.
Are you ready to date with intention and wisdom? Are you ready to pursue Christ first and make Him number One?
If so get a copy of my best-selling book A Worthy Wife